Barbara Filion’s celebration of life unfolded just as she would have wished.

The grass remained damp from the earlier downpour but the sun’s rays filtered through the canopy of trees, casting golden hues upon the ground at Newcastle Commons, overlooking the waters of the Piscataqua River.

Friends and loved ones who had known Filion throughout the years gathered around a table, sharing stories of her life, her spirited antics, and reminiscing over photographs that captured cherished memories.

In one corner stood a basket filled with stones that Filion had collected over time. Painted on each were words she held dear – friendship, love, and peace. These stones were keepsakes for people to take home, a piece of her.

Janet Prescott, Filion’s best friend of 40 years, recalled her friend’s ability to notice and cherish the beauty of the world around her – from the delicate buds unfurling to the sweet melody of birds chirping to the refreshing scent of salt in the sea breeze.

“Barb gave me, and I’m sure to many of you who are also here today her ability to notice the beauty in nature and to be awed and rejuvenated by the very simplest of things,” Prescott shared, her voice filled with fond memories. “Taking a walk with Barb always reminded me to stay attuned to my surroundings. No matter where we were.”

And that’s precisely what she did, until her very last breath, seizing every moment with a zest for life that was truly remarkable. Even as she faced the ravages of metastatic bone cancer over 14 long years, her spirit remained unyielding.

As a resident of Portsmouth, Filion decided to seek medical aid in dying in Vermont at the age of 82, because the option remains illegal in New Hampshire. The recent attempt to legalize it had failed in the state Senate.

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“I guess seeing her in that limbo and contending with it, really makes me fearful for being in a similar situation where you’re just weak and powerless to do anything about it,” Marsha Filion said, grateful her mother could make the trip to Vermont before her condition made her too weak.

“I think for mom having control over her life right up to that last minute, doing whatever she wanted to do with it, make her bad decisions and the decisions she wanted to make, was really important to her.”

The 14-year grueling battle with cancer had slowly drained Filion’s physical strength. But not her spirit. She remained vivacious until the very end.

Living life to its fullest meant savoring her last cigarette while gazing out over the tranquil Connecticut River, flowing steadily along the house in Brattleboro, Vt. where she would draw her final breath. It meant indulging in a spoonful of lemon sorbet after ingesting the medication that would bring an end to her suffering, her heart beating, her breathing and ultimately her life.

Filion said her final goodbyes on March 28.

Her daughter held firm in her belief that her mother’s final weeks were filled with a sense of empowerment, despite cancer’s grip on her, only because Filion knew she would have control over her own death.

Despite the debilitating effects of cancer, she didn’t relinquish her fierce independence. Even as her fragile bones threatened to betray her, she refused to succumb to the confines of her bed, a fate she fiercely resisted.

She struggled to walk around because her bones were brittle, and one fall could have ended her mobility – Filion’s nightmare. But no, she didn’t let cancer get that chance.

Even the simplest tasks became arduous for her; it often took a long and painful struggle just to put on her socks.

But through it all, she held on to her self-reliance.

On the night before Filion’s final trip to Vermont, Marsha Filion was determined to spend the night with her mother. It took all her insistence and heartfelt pleas before Filion finally agreed.

But Filion’s choice to end her life with dignity was not born of desperation or unbearable pain. She simply refused to surrender her autonomy to a fate she found undignified. She refused to be reduced to a shell of herself, trapped in a body ravaged by illness, waiting for death to claim her.

“No one wiped mom’s butt,” said Marsha. “That was so important to her. To some people, they don’t understand why the dignity aspect is a deal breaker, but it is for so many people.”

As Marsha expressed gratitude to the many friends and family who had supported Filion throughout her battle with cancer, the weather seemed to mirror the bittersweet emotions of the gathering. The clouds parted just enough for sparrows to dance upon the branches.

It was then that the significance of Filion’s car, with the license plate “Spatz,” meaning sparrow in German, truly resonated.

Many recognized Filion from her regular presence at Market Square in Portsmouth, where she stood advocating for peace — a cause rooted in her experiences growing up in war-torn Germany during World War II.

Diane Stradling, who had known Filion from her yoga classes, took center stage at the memorial pavilion. She fondly recalled Filion’s humor and requested passionately of everyone present to embrace the ideals that Barbara Filion had fervently stood for.

“One of the things we could all think about is changing something in New Hampshire – making medical aid in dying possible,” she said.

In the final weeks of Marsha Filion’s time with her mother, they experienced a beautiful closeness, unlike any other phase of their relationship. Like every mother and daughter with their share of issues, they were no different.

Instead of the prolonged bedside nights filled with struggles like bedsores and emotional strain, Marsha Filion and her mother savored moments together — sharing pizza slices in town, enjoying ice cream and taking walks along the beach.

These were cherished memories that now comforted Marsha in her grief.

“Right now,” Marsha whispered, tears welling in her eyes, “we’ve got the best relationship we’ve ever had. I miss her but I think we both let our baggage go and just accepted one another.”

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